I wanna bring you to show and tell
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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