Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
