I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the raccoons are back...
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