He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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