You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
