Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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