Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
