WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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