Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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