So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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