What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
