I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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