i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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