like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
