omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
