hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Welp...herpes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
