At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
