if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
kristin has been a bad kristin
if only i could text you this smell
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
