i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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