I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
