Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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