Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
