My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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