I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As shirtless as possible
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
