whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
