is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
