I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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