Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
