I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
