So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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