As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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