In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
