my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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