He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
