Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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