I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
