This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
