He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
