we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
