It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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