Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
