I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
