Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
