I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
