so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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