I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
