you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
