I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
