He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
