In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
