My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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