i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
