the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
