I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I smell like Dick and happiness
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
