I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
