He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
