I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
