Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
